You may decide to check yoself out in the mirror.
Also a bad idea.
FOLLOWING:
jhn brssndn!You may decide to check yoself out in the mirror.
Also a bad idea.
Say you are sick in bed with the flu for a couple days and then, finally, you feel better. You may feel hungry, since you have not really had much to eat during the time you have been ill. You may therefore decide that cooking and eating scallops for dinner sounds like a fine idea.
It is not.
It doesn’t actually “wish” anyone a “happy” birthday, but still.
I did manage to apply for four jobs today. A couple of them were in Ohio, bringing my grand total of “jobs I applied for in Ohio” to “a fuckload.” This could be really good news for a few of us. Second in the geographical rankings are PA/NJ/ Delaware, which could also be good news for a few of us. The bad news is that I won’t get any of these jobs, but let’s not think about that today.
I didn’t read your post before I wrote mine. So let’s call that the universe telling us something about not being alone.
I think it’s because I am physically unwell right now, but man, do I feel helpless and worthless and hopeless. If I could just finish my dissertation, I think this feeling would go away, except I CAN’T FUCKING FINISH IT. I’m starting to wonder, with my physical/mental health right now, who’s the chicken and who’s the egg, you know? Yesterday, I was flattened, legitimately so I think, since in my experience even extreme anxiety and depression doesn’t manifest as a sore throat and insane sinus headache. But today, just headache and malaise; I feel like I’m faking (albeit subconsciously) being sick so that I don’t have to do work. I have a mountain of other work stuff that I have to do before I can even think about writing again anytime soon. It just seems insurmountable, and right now I am passing every deadline I have set for myself with nothing to show for it. If I could just feel better, I could get this stuff done, but the problem is that I don’t think I will feel better UNTIL I get this stuff done. Oh and meanwhile I am starting to feel like I am becoming a burden to the only person who I thought would never possibly consider me a burden, my father. He’s helping to support me until I get this dissertation done and watching me do nothing to further myself and bringing me food when I’m sick and then I’m still not getting better or doing anything. I am overwhelmed and he’s trying to help me and I’m just taking the help without contributing my part to justify the help. And I think he’s finally getting tired of it. Hell, I know I am BEYOND tired of it. This is just so not what my life was supposed to be.
I’ll add the unnecessary caveat that of course these are first world problems. But, like, I barely feel like a person right now. And I am not looking for fawning sympathy (although I have appreciated receiving this sympathy before from every last one of you who has offered it); I’m just putting this out there because a lot of us seem to be in similar kinds of lows lately. So. That’s it. No real meaningful poetic ending here. I just don’t feel well.
As a rule, I don’t like anything except for random middlebrow television. This keeps me from being disappointed.
It was on literary theory, but still. I was pleased to realize that my unconscious reaction to my disgust at the squashing of human rights by my fellow Mainers was: TEACH BETTER. That’s good to know.
We voted to strip rights from those who had previously held them (even if only for 6 months). That much more grievous, shameful fact needs to be clear.
The one of my students who was visibly upset by the way the vote turned out was not, as you might suspect, a gay student or even a super-liberal ally (such as myself). It was a married good-old-boy Mountain Dew drinking Mainer dude with kids. He’s a first year non-trad student majoring in social work. In one of his other classes, they are learning about gay history, and today he told us some things about AIDS and how making gay people second-class citizens contributed to the mishandling of the crisis and the devastation of the gay community in the 80s and 90s. I appreciated this input. And what I am saying is this: My state fucked it up yesterday, but I was reminded today that some of the things we — educators and activists — are doing IS WORKING and we need to make sure that we keep doing it. Our efforts are working; we just need to hold on and keep trying for a little while longer. Remember how we felt today. Then make that the reason.
